Outer Space

1. You came at the wrong time.

2. You made a cheesecake for me. Or your househelper did for you?

3. You made my friends hate me because I defended and stayed with you despite things.

4. You begged for me to quit smoking, then complain that I'm too cranky without it.

5. You made me used to not commuting.

6. You always took away my third tequila shot.

7. You convinced me to skip school. Actually, no, you didn't.

8. You cursed at me then took it back the very next second.

9. You never told me your secret wish from that falling star.

10. You never stood up to defend me from that dirty old d-bag from PV.

11. You gave me smokes and laughed at me when I was too high to walk.

12. You made us ate so much we couldn't stand up from our tables.

13. You scared me with the guns you have in your room.

14. You told me your biggest fears.

15. You talked about me to your dad as he looks down to you from heaven.

16. You cleaned my foot with your bare hands when I stupidly stepped on something disgusting.

17. You slowed down the car when we're almost nearing my house just so we could be together longer.

18. You sang "Baby I love your way" softly to my ear.

19. You couldn't forgive and forget what I did. You wanted to, you just couldn't at all.

20. You introduced me to a group of guys playing in a court by shouting that I was your girl.

21. You introduced me as your "ex-gf to your friends.

22. You took that back when we were done talking over our fight, and proudly introduced me again as your "gf".

23. You scared the shit out of a friend of mine.

24. You were the wrong rebound. You made me yours too.

25. You made me miss my point of writing this. To list all the things I hate about you. To get over you. But it only made me miss you more.

home

And I am in this position again...

Looking for a new place to call HOME.

What defines a "home" anyway?

Watch Me Burn

"just gonna stand there and here me cry, and that's alright because i love the way you lie..."

Even if the song hits the rhythm in my heart, it doesn't suit well with my current situation. Not that I want anybody in my life to lie to me over and over. But it's the fact that nobody cares to get that close to even lie about something.

And I find it really sad.

Free Hugs Campaign

There was a viral video in Youtube I've come across some months ago, and after watching it all I ever really wanted to do is go home to Philippines and hug everyone I know.

Juan Mann's campaign, FREE HUGS, of giving away free hugs to strangers is truly an eyebrow-raising kind of thing. But when you look closer, and understand his motives, you'd be wanting somebody to hug you as well.

Last Saturday, at our usual spot, we made it happen here in Singapore. The SPOT gang (Marga, Maron, Tracy and new recruits, Justin and Iya) and I spent another fun night at the bridge with our usual drinks. But at that one night, we made a difference. I hope to believe that we've somehow touched a few hearts and warmed their souls a little bit with the hugs we shared.

Although at first sight, you might be really curious as to what our agenda is, with drinks being passed on every minute and a "Free Hugs" poster waving left to right to passers-by. There's a slight hint of malice you may say, we might be just doing it 'cause we were drunk and we wanted to take the fun into another level. But the moment we all stepped into that position of holding the poster and got our first hug, we all got the feeling of how real it is, losing all the hesitations and just spreading the love.

I lost count on how much people I've hugged that night, I was group hugged, I was even twirled around by an old folk, I was squeezed among my friends and strangers. I was hugged back.

And it was such a warming feeling. Satisfying, I might say. Affirmation? Yes. I was proud of myself and of my friends. Much prouder that we can accept rejection and well wishing them back even.

I was happy to send out a message. That in these crazy times, in this crazy life, we can all be equal and we can always show it with a simple hug. :)

You only listen to what you wanna hear

It is upsetting to realize (or when it finally sinked in) that you have friends that stay in contact with you because they have nothing more relevant mission in their lives but to USE you. In any possible way they can.

And you know what the cherry on top of that? They go berserk on you when they don't get you to do what they want you to do.

It is so sad that there are some people that will only hear what they want to hear.

Read, rate and earn!

I have come across this page Readbud through my cousin, who, together with my eldest brother, convinced me to join up lockrz and cloudcrowd and earn money (or PTZ - lockrz).

So far, I've earned a few bucks and made some PTZ and I'm enjoying it.

But I think Readbud is more of my interest since all I need to do is read and rate. The more articles I read and rate (which ratings really dont matter), the more I earn. And if the two of us are close, you'll know that I do love reading.

So if you're up for it... reading and rating will earn you a few extra cents (for those paypal users and online shoppers) Readbud is perfect for you. As it is for me. :)

One day, for sure.

It suddenly flashed back in my mind how much I wanted to adopt.

I have three main goals in this lifetime:

1. Adopt a kid. (Even if I have kids of my own.)
2. Put up a school. (And help someone go to college.)
3. Build a house for someone. (And that means painting, hammering nails and putting up a door.)

People should stop asking "Why would you want to do that?"... let's focus more on "Why don't I do it too?" or "If I can, why shouldn't I?"

This promise is for myself and for that precious life who deserves all full rights of being loved and taken care of. It's not even because I want to feel good about myself, but because helping others is the only truth in goodness.

I would really love to do all of this. But yea, this means I have to be completely financially, emotionally, and physically stable. I think I have more roads to take before I can reach my lifetime goals. But I will. For sure.

My Mom's words won me a friend today.

I wonder what my mom would feel if I'd share with her that I won a friend today because of her words she once shared to me. Because even as weird as our relationship seems to be, I do believe in her and the wisdom she may randomly throw and nag at me.

No this isn't an intentional entry for the upcoming mother's day event. Just like valentines, love and appreciation for our family shouldn't be only be premised in one day of the year because Hallmarks tells us so.

There are days when I want to write a long letter to my parents. Just because.. they deserve it. And they need to know how I truly feel about them rather than my usual snickering while they talk at me. But my pride gets the best of me, delaying the outburst of emotions and thoughts about them by dragging them all at the back of my mind. Thinking I'd get a perfect time to lay it all out to them. When all I know, time can trick us in any second. And God forbid, I am not talking about any second sooner.. not even later. Just hoping NEVER.

In my heart and true deep prayers, I ask the best blessings in life for them. It's just a bit of a shame it's hard to just sit down and tell them.. "I love you."

SMS: "Ma, I made a new friend today.:) and it's because i believed in your words and i was able to share it with her. Not to lose hope and never to give up whatever the circumstances we face today. Thank you. Mahal kita. Totoo. See you in May."

Disappointed I'm a bit like you

I am in the middle (well, i haven't really started on writing it) of thinking ideas on my lesson plans when Facebook won in trying to disturb me. A former P.E. instructor from way back primary just added me on it like a week ago. I thought she was a batch mate or something, because apparently she got married and her surname differed. Only now did I know that it was her. Then I get to scan her profile and saw another former secondary teacher, whom I used to like, but not so much anymore, don't ask why.. And I was like... "Were they this distracted back when they were doing their lesson plans for our class?" LOL

I couldn't care much if they'd see me now and be proud or not for being another educator just like them. As I looked into pictures of them in schools and excursions and whatnots... I find myself imagining myself walking those red hallways again, thinking how funny that I've always told myself I'll never be like them IF I were to be a teacher. I'd be lying if I say I did fulfill that promise.. but yeah, I just suck like them nonetheless.

Sometimes I do get frustrated at myself because I go way overboard in disciplining the kids. Not in any abusive or violent ways of course. But the way I raise my voice more than enough and at many times is very wrong. Tomorrow, I will probably hug each and everyone of them for like 10 seconds.

And now, I should positively work on my lesson plans or I wont get any hugs and kisses thrown to me by the sup. Yuh.

Just another musing.

I was about to close two sentences about having flu again, just about the same time as last year, when i find it so very uninteresting. This is such a suck-y flu-y feeling. I never get this sickly before. Hassle.

I cant wait for April to be over and May to move in. I can't wait to go home again and see my friends and family even though last time I got so wasted I was telling everyone that I'd rather end my life than stay any longer in my hometown. I don't know.. it's probably me who has the problem, and not the place.. not even the people. Or I just hang out with the wrong crowd for me. Not that they're bad, but they keep me coming back to re-live the "old grace" in me. I love my hometown. I learned so much from it that I just had to move on. I don't want to get stuck and just be 'okay' for a couple of days or so, then ramble on again drunk on the phone.

I show no faith in myself sometimes. It is very obvious that even if i want to front out to people that I've changed.. truly, nothing's have changed at all. What the hell is wrong? I falter. I fall. I fail. I turned cold.